Life According to Chris

moonshoespotter-darrencriss:

Darren’s eyes widened when he heard Chris say that the relationship he was in always ended in abuse. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Di-” He coughed, trying to catch his breath yet again. “Did you get out?” He asked, worried and concerned. He gently squeezed Chris’s hand and sighed, hoping to god this guy was out of Chris’s life forever.

Chris nodded weakly, loosening his grip on Darren’s hand, eyes drawn to the floor. “But not before he took everything out of me he could.” Chris whispered, clenching his eyes shut against the tears threatening to fall again. “I should have walked away years ago, but he… He knew about you and I couldn’t risk you getting hurt.”

(Source: llama-enthusiast-chris)

moonshoespotter-darrencriss:

Darren saw Chris break down into the chair beside him and his heart broke into pieces. Just watching the man the he loved fall apart made Darren cringe. Tears in his own eyes, Darren opened his mouth to speak. “Chris.” he said in a raspy voice. “Chris, I’m not mad. More confused.” Darren had to speak I between breaths due to his collapsed lung and how badly it hurt to speak. “I want an answer.” Was all he said as he closed his mouth and waited.

Chris was startled to hear Darren’s weakened voice. “Darren… Don’t strain your voice.” He said quietly, brushing his thumb over the older man’s knuckles. With a heavy sigh, Chris focused his eyes on their hands. “When you confessed to me you loved me, I was already involved with someone else. I hid it from everyone, not even my parents knew.” Chris confessed, sniffling as he tried to suppress his tears. “I couldn’t get out of it, Darren. I promise I tried, but it always resulted in abuse. I’m so sorry.”

(Source: llama-enthusiast-chris)

moonshoespotter-darrencriss:

Darren could’ve sworn he heard an angels voice. It was so smooth and glamorous, like someone he knew. It was a familiar voice saying that he was stupid for running from him. It took him a few minutes to realize who it was. It was Chris. He was there, in the hospital with him. Was he in the crash also? He asked himself. It took Darren a half an hour to force himself to wake up, but when he did, he slowly opened his eyes and was exposed to the fluorescent light and he immediately closed hi eyes again. It had been over a day since he saw light and his eye weren’t fixated with them just yet. He grunted, trying to speak but nothing would come out. Darren felt something in his hand and he recognized it as a hand, Chris’s hand to be exact. Squeezing it as hard as he possibly could, which wasn’t very hard at all, he opened his eyes and saw the angel, whom he loved, standing right in front of him with worry written all I’ve his face.

When those hazel eyes finally opened, Chris lost all resolve. Any chance he had of containing himself left. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks, splashing on their joined hands. “I know I’m the last person you want to see, and I’m sure if you had the strength you’d be telling me to fuck off.” Chris practically whimpered as his eyes flickered over the abrasions covering Darren’s face and skin. “And I won’t blame you. I won’t even fight you on it, but I had to see you one last time. I needed to see those eyes again. I’m so sorry, Darren. God, I’m so so sorry.” Chris’ last words came out in nothing but a sob as he collapsed into the chair inches from Darren’s bed.

(Source: llama-enthusiast-chris)

moonshoespotter-darrencriss:

Darren was laying in a hospital room by himself in the ICU, stuck unconscious, possibly in a coma. There was nothing but blackness in his vision, but he could hear something in the back of his mind. It was a song, a Katy Perry song at that. The lyrics to Teenage Dream were replaying itself in his head. Then it hit him, he was in a car wreck, Katy Perry was playing when it happened. He was crying over Chris, his heart was shattered and now he was, what he thought, dead.

It took Chris a little longer to recover than he expected after having the blood drained from him. Unsteadily, he made it down the hall, and up to Darren’s floor. Things were still slightly blurry. It’s been a long time since he’d given blood, the last time was for his sister. He always sacrificed what he could to protect the ones he loved. This was no different. Walking into Darren’s little cube of a room, Chris came to stand by Darren’s bed brushing back a few of his curls. Tears slipped down his cheeks as he watched the machine forcing air into Darren’s lungs. “Darren, please wake up. I was so stupid to ever run from you, but if you don’t wake up I can’t explain myself.” He whispered.

(Source: llama-enthusiast-chris)

moonshoespotter-darrencriss:

Darren was driving to the studio with his mind racing of thoughts of Chris. He had written a new song he just needed to get out of him. He needed to let out of all of his feelings for Chris. As he slowed down at a stoplight, Darren didn’t feel at ease. Something was off and he couldn’t put his finger on it. As Katy Perry’s ‘Teenage Dream’ filled his car, he heard a bunch of car horns beep annoyingly and then, nothing. His world became black. He saw nothing and heard no one. Feelings weren’t there. He was lifeless and helpless. Darren didn’t know what happened, but all he knew was that he was most likely in a lot of trouble.

Chris made it to the hospital, hands trembling with pent up emotions. He was completely drained, sitting in the waiting room praying to anything that would listen. He wasn’t a religious man, never one to seek comfort from some higher deity. However, now seemed like a good time to try. The doctors had informed both he and Joey that Darren had lost a lot of blood from the wreck. The phrasing made Chris sick to his stomach. The doctors were using medical jargon that he didn’t care about. He just wanted to know how to make Darren better. Make the man he loved whole again. Knowing he was compatible, Chris went to give blood so it could be pumped into Darren. As the needle entered his arm, the only thing he could think is maybe this would somehow right his wrongs. He’d broken Darren’s heart, but maybe saving his life could make up for it. 

(Source: llama-enthusiast-chris)

Four years and Chris hadn’t forgotten. Darren’s lips still felt like they were imprinted on his own, the words of the other man were fresh in his mind. He couldn’t escape it because Darren was ingrained in every part of him. Chris was trying to outrun the ghosts of his past, and in the process scarred them both. He’d tried over the years to contact Darren, make amends of some sort. It was all fruitless. He either couldn’t muster the courage to press the call button, or the call would go unanswered. When Darren’s number popped up on his caller ID his heart stopped. Answering it, disappointment filled him hearing Joey’s voice instead of the one he longed to hear. Then his heart dropped into his stomach hearing Joey’s next words. Car wreck. Darren was in ICU from being struck by a drunk driver. Without a second thought, Chris was on the next flight back to L.A., no concern for money or his work. He just needed to see Darren.

moonshoespotter-darrencriss:

Darren looked at Chris skeptically. He didn’t know what was going on through Chris’s head, but all he wants to do was be by Chris’s side and help him with anything he needed help with. “Chris, I wasn’t talking as a friend.”Darren took Chris’s hand in his and pulled them away to somewhere quieter. “Chris, I like you, more than a friend.” He confessed, letting out a shaky breath. “I actually think, wait I know, I love you.” Darren closed his eyes, scared of what Chris’s reaction was going to be.

Chris followed Darren, eyes fixated on their joined hands as they made their way through a sea of their friends. His eyes were wide as saucers and heart beating tremendously as Darren confessed. It was like the wind was forced out of him upon hearing that Darren loved him. Shaking his head with tears forming in his eyes, Chris retracted his hand from Darren’s. “Please don’t, Darren. Find someone else to love. I’m not worth it.” Chris whispered. Pressing a deep, sorrow filled kiss to Darren’s mouth, Chris ran from the room and never looked back. For four years he never looked back.

moonshoespotter-darrencriss:

Darren laughed, nodding. “You’re probably right, I don’t think I could ever take a break from anything either.” He said, agreeing. Darren placed his hands on the shins of Chris’s legs and squeezed them softly. He loved how close Chris and him were and how incredibly comfortable they were with each other. It just felt so right. “Yeah, I’ll just work him into my busy ass schedule.” He said, smirking. “Do what you need to do, I just hope you can still do it with someone on your side.” Darren was trying to drop little hints about where he was going with this conversation.

Chris bit his lip listening to Darren, feeling anxiety well up inside of him. Solitude was his intention, besides his family. He didn’t want distractions or companionship when those were the things he wanted to rid himself of. At least for his sanity he needed a reprieve from people making demands of his time. “Unfortunately, I think being alone is best for me. I don’t want to drag anyone else into the things I need to sort out.” Chris replied, his tone defeated as his fingers rubbed at his temple. “Some of the things in my private life have gotten out of hand, and the last thing I want is to drag my friends into it.” His confession stopped there, knowing if he kept speaking he’d spill things he’d tried very hard to keep secret.

moonshoespotter-darrencriss:

Darren nodded as if he was saying of course. He couldn’t help but grin. Darren couldn’t imagine giving the first copy of his album to anyone else but Chris. Sighing quietly, Darren stared into Chris’s baby blue eyes and just got lost in them. The feeling Chris gave Darren was like none other. He felt so safe and at home when he was with him, and now that Glee was ending, he wouldn’t be able to see Chris as often as he usually does. Darren nodded as he listened to Chris talk about his plans of going home and spending time with his family. Could he be any more perfect? He thought, grinning. “That sounds like a really good plan, I wish I would’ve thought of it before I signed up for all of this. I really miss my brother.”

Chris smiled at Darren, shaking his head. “I honestly can not picture you taking a break for anything.” He chuckled, scooting closer to Darren, and propping his feet up in his friend’s lap. “You’re kind of like a hyperactive puppy, but if you really miss Chuck that much I bet you can work in a visit.” He gave Darren a reassuring grin, adjusting his feet more. “I’m just ready to have some time away from everything. I need to sort myself out if we’re being completely honest. Kind of need a reset button.” Chris sighed. Reset button was about as accurate as he could get without revealing too much. 

moonshoespotter-darrencriss:

Darren smirked. “You’re never getting rid of me, Chris. You’re stuck with me for the rest of our lives.” He said, laughing as Chris stole a bite of Lea’s food. Darren loved the way Chris was so comfortable around everyone. They were all really good friends. Okay, maybe more like one big happy family, and he knew for a fact that they would never lose contact. “Me? Oh uhm, right now I’m working on an album and then I’m going to go help out my Starkids. They need some help with a few new plays they’re doing and I’m more than happy to help with something I started.” He grinned and sipped his soda. “What about you, CC? What are you going to be up to? Probably Broadway, New York Times Best Seller.”

“I want one of the first copies of that album.” Chris stated, giving Darren a look to make sure he knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Darren’s EP was still one of the most played album’s on Chris’ ITunes as were most of the covers Darren had done on Glee. There was something therapeutic about Darren’s voice that made Chris feel at ease when listening to it. When his friend countered with the same question, Chris gave a shrug then chuckled at the latter comment. “Well, actually I don’t really have anything planned. I’m going back to Clovis first to spend some time with my family. I never get home enough, and Hannah has been harping on me to visit. In the meantime I’m working on another screenplay, but I really just need to relax.” He replied honestly, leaning back in his chair. “I think after all this time in the spotlight I need to do some soul searching before I jump into anymore big projects.”